Clueless Ch. 02

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This follows on from Clueless. It is a very fictionalised recounting of how my relationship with my father eventuated. It has been thoroughly distanced from reality. Names and faces have been digitalised and voices modulated. Or something. Don’t steal this or copy it or I’ll give everyone that buys it a free copy of it. This story contains incest. You know, family members bonking? If you don’t like that, jog on. I’m a lover, a dreamer, a daddy’s girl, and a slut, but I’m not really a writer. My friend RB proofreads and makes notes for me. Any remaining mistakes are mine.


“You fuck… ing… what?”

“I told him you’d fuck him in a heartbeat.” I shrugged. It’s the truth. I’ve read her diary.

“Why the actual god damn Mc Fucky-Fried fuck would you tell dad that?”

She’s so exasperated it’s hilarious. She’s even thrown her rabbit vibe on the floor in anger. I love doing this to her. Sibbo stoushes rule. Now, if I can just get the timing right, her mind will literally fucking explode. She was hunting for batteries in my toy drawer when I got back from a shower.

“Well, I was sucking his thing and I didn’t want him to think I was going to fuck him. I mean, that’s a bit creepy right and-” There it is… Woop! There it is… Ka blammo… Mind blown. Just like the old man’s thing.

“You…” Her eyes are like saucers and her mouth is open like her jaw has unhinged.

“Yes. Sucked his thing. I was… hmm… frustrated. I miss… Steve had his uses and well the show was really hot and-“

“You sucked Dad’s cock?”

“His thing.”

“They’re called cocks.”

“Whatever… He got hard while I was rubbing one out-“


“Yeah. We were watching Vikings and this scene came on. I really miss it. Steve was pretty bla, but he could eat… you know.”


“Yeah that.”

She flops down on my bed and puts a pillow over her head.

“I’ll go get you a beer, Maddy.”

“Get us a six-pack ho-bag.”

She’d just asked why Dad had been really awkward when she got home. He’s been funny since last night. He’s just processing like he usually does. He has pretty much avoided me all day and kinda bugged out when Maddy hugged him after she got home. I’ll talk to him soon and we’ll work it out.

“Here sissa.” I hand Madison a beer and sit beside her and fiddle with her hair. She kinda got mum’s looks. She’s curvy like mum and short but has blonde hair like Aunty T. I’m more like dad; tall and thin but with mum’s dark hair. I love Maddy’s long blonde hair. I don’t have time for mine so keep it kind of short now.

She sits up and stares intently at her beer for a long moment.

“Okay… So…” Insert deep dramatic breath. “You were watching a movie with Daddy and then you started rubbing one out, he got hard and you sucked his cock.”

“Uhuh. That’s pretty much how it went.” I nodded and smiled.

“And… You’re okay with that? He’s okay with that?”

“Well, he’s a bit awkward now, but it was good. I don’t-“

“Bullshit, you’re just fucking with me, you slurry.”

I shook my head.

“And then you told him you weren’t going to fuck him, but I would.”

“It’s the truth, I’ve read your diary.”


“Yeah, you know, it puts the thing in its thing and-“

“Cock. Pussy.” She shakes her head at me. “It’s… incest…”

“Pfft… It’s sex. I love him. He loves me. People show people they love them in lots of ways. Dads a man and has needs. I’m a woman and have needs. Who did I hurt? I mean, it’s not like I kissed him, I just did a kind thing for a man who spends his whole life doing kind things and then has the surrogate throw it all in his face.”


“Incubator then. She’s not my mum anymore. I decided she can get lost. She just gave birth to me. Tell me one time she ever did anything kind for you.”


“Exactly. So, I was… you know.”

“Horny, Laura. They have words for this shit. You were horny.”

“Yeah and Dad, god he must have been so backed up… I’ve never seen that much… goo.”

“Jizz! Cum! Baby Batter! Ball juice! Spooge! Spunk! Where the fuck does ‘goo’ come from?”

“From his thing.” I giggle. She’s losing her shit and it’s wonderful.

Then she went really quiet for a while. My cheeks ached from smiling. This whole thing was way too much fun.

“What’s…” She asks the ceiling refusing to make eye contact with me. “What’s his… ‘thing’ like?”

“Ah… Now we’re getting somewhere.”


“You’re jealous.”

“Grr.” She grunts.

“Well, nice. Really nice. Not too big. Pretty fat. Stung in the corner of my lips a bit. Hot and hard and god, I’m getting kind of…”

“Horny!” She shakes her head at me and rolls her eyes. “You’re getting ‘horny’ thinking about what Dad’s ‘cock’ was like.”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“And you rubbed one out right there?” she frowns hard at me. “You’d never do anything like that. I fucking know you. You’re all… You’re full of shit. You’re fucking with me.”

She kaçak iddaa stands up and looks at me in disgust; picks up her pink rabbit vibe and says, “Batteries bitch! Give.”

“I can prove it.” I challenge her.

“Right. How?”

“Get in the cupboard.”

“What?” She screws her mouth up at me.

“He’s being awkward. I have to talk with him and smooth it out. Hide in there.” I gesture at my walk-in robe with the louvered doors. “I’ll talk. You’ll hear. Just don’t make any noise and fuck it up okay. This is important. He’s a lovely man who does his all for us and it was just a simple thing that two adults did to make themselves feel good. If you make a single fucking noise… I’ll… I’ll hide all my double ‘a’ batteries. You understand?”

She nodded. Then she took her vibe into my cupboard and closed the door. “I still think you’re full of shit. As if you sucked his cock. You can’t even say cock.”

“Shutup.” I laugh as I tap at my phone.

About a minute later, there is a gentle knock at my door and my very sheepish looking Dad opens it when I tell him, “Come in, old man.”

I pat my bed and he sits beside me kinda studying his hands.

“Dad… Are we good?”


“I love you, old man. You needed it. I needed it. We’re both adults. No-one got hurt.”

“But… I’m your father, pumpkin.”

“You’re also a man. You need to start dating. It’s been months now.”

“I just…”

“Don’t feel ready. Still feel hurt. I get it.” I cuddle him from the side with an arm around his shoulders and bump my head against his shoulder. “Pretty much how I am feeling after this whole Steve thing.”

“But you still have needs.”

“I still have needs. You saw how… err…”

“Horny you were. Haha.” Thank god. I have never been more thankful for a laugh from my Dad in my life.

“You were kinda… too, you know.” I tell him.

“Horny. They have words for these things, kiddo.” I laugh at that knowing how hard Maddy must be trying not laugh too while she hides in my cupboard.

“Did you hurt me, old man?” I ask him seriously.

“Well, I really hope not.” He is finally looking at my eyes while we talk.

“Did I hurt you, Dad?”

“Far from it. Fucking hell. You know I could count on one hand how many times your-“

“Let’s not talk about the…”

“Mega-thing.” I laugh out loud again. Maddy must be fucking choking herself trying not to laugh.

“Okay. So…” I take a deep breath and try to straighten my thoughts. “Dad, I love you. I’m good. And judging by how much… you know… Damn, that was a lot. You need to start dating as soon as you feel comfortable. Until then, I don’t mind… you know. Besides, I haven’t had one that good myself in ages. Are we seriously okay?”

“God pumpkin, I’ve just been wandering about in a ditz all day worried I’ve fucked one of the only great relationships I have left. If I ever hurt you or Maddy I’d be so damn lost. Since you two were born you’ve been my entire world.”

“I’m good, old man.” I hug him in a bear hug and tell him in a naughty voice, “And I’m really looking forward to our next ‘Vikings’ night.”

“Fuck…” He moans into my shoulder.

“Silly woman. I’m so angry about how she hurt us all.”

“I couldn’t help it, kiddo. I didn’t know.”

“We know. You’re still here for us. That’s all that matters.” I ruffle his grey-on-the-sides hair. “What are we doing for dinner?”

“Ah…” Good. He’s dropped the awkward nerves. “Is Maddy home tonight? I’ve got steak out. I was going to barbecue.”

“She’s home soon, dad. And listen… She’d never say so, but she really needs you too right now. This has been really upside down for her. Maybe you could make some you and her time soon. Maybe your own kind of ‘Vikings night’.”

“Jesus… She’s just a kid, Laura. I couldn’t… not…”

“Dad, she’s probably had more boyfriends than me. She’s also had a massive crush on you forever. Seriously… Just get used the fact that you have two girls in your house who love the crap out of you and would do anything for you. Well, almost anything. I’m not going to fuck you but I’m going to suck your thing anytime you like.”


“No that would be Maddy. In a heartbeat, like I said. Biiiiig crush…”


“He’s probably not so keen.”

Then we’re laughing and he playfully pushes me roughly to the bed. “You’re a bloody nutbag, pumpkin. I love you. Have from the moment I set eyes on you. Now… I’m not going to chase you around in circles but… Well, I’m looking forward to ‘Vikings’ too. You’ve grown into a beautiful woman, Laura. I love you.”

“Naw.” I pull him down on me and snuggle his scratchy face against my neck. “Love you too, old man.”

The door closes, ‘click’ gently behind him and I wait but nothing happens. Maybe Maddy fell asleep in there. When I check the cupboard, I find her hunched over humping her vibe furiously.

“Batteries!” She whimpers. “Get me batteries.”


Talk about turning up the heat! The way Maddy got about kaçak bahis the house over the next two weeks was enough to make ‘me’ sweat. And poor old dad… I swear the silly bugger had a hard-on twenty-four hours a day.

She’s always tried to tease him a little with her outfits. It started when she was younger and boys were starting to notice her. She’d wear the same skimpy things around the house and flirt outrageously with Dad. Mum told her off more than a few times; long lectures about appropriate behaviour.

But these last two weeks… Um… Examples…

Exhibit a, your honour… Maddy has started wearing her towel on her head when she walks from the shower to her room. Not a big deal in itself but as it was formerly used to wrap around her, it now means that she is completely naked for the fifteen metre walk through the living area to her room. The first time she did it, Dad nearly popped his eyes out of his head and his thing out of his pants. It was funny watching him try to ignore the display but enjoy as much of it as possible at the same time.

Er… Exhibit b, ‘underwear’. Underwear used to be completely acceptable pool attire but since Maddy has launched this… Daddy jihad, I guess. Since then, she wears her naughtiest bikinis. Not much difference you think? The bikini is designed to accentuate body parts and shapes. Underwear is utilitarian. The effect of tiny thong bottoms and see-through triangles that could be used as postage stamps is profound. Dad has had to start wearing board-shorts to hide the erections that tented his hitherto acceptable undies.

Um… I could probably go on, but you get the picture. She’s even started sitting on his lap again for snuggles some nights before bed.

“Maddy, bub?”

“Hmm?” She’s studying her distance stuff. It’s early childhood teaching but she wants to keep working while she studies, not go to uni despite dad offering to pay.

“You’re going to- Can you even hear me with those in?”

“Oh, ya…” With a grumpy sigh, she pulls the ear-pods out and tosses them on the bed. “What?”

“I know what you’re doing but you’re going to have to turn it down a bit. It’s kind of…”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She taps at her phone and smirks while trying to ignore me.

“It’s intimidating the old man. Trust me, he’s noticed. He’s noticed you plenty but…”

“But what?” Her frown tells me I have her attention.

“It’s kind of having the opposite effect to what you want.”


“Well… Your overt display of interest is pushing him a fair bit. He’s struggling with feelings of lust and protective-“

“Horny…” She rolls her eyes. “That’s the point isn’t it.”

“Yeah, but listen bub. He already loves you. He already finds you attractive. The hook is already set and the bait already taken.” Her smile rewards me. “But this wildly sexual display is a lot of pressure.”

“So…” She pouts and frowns. “I’m scaring him off?”

“Hell no. It’s just a lot of pressure and he’s battling with his feelings for you. Maybe if you back off a bit, he’ll work himself out and…”

“It works on everyone else. Show them the apple, they want the apple, feed them the apple. Take the apple away when they don’t pay attention.”

“But he’s not everyone else, is he?”


“Listen, how did you show Dad you loved him up till you decided to… you know?”

“Cuddles. Kisses. Wrestles.” She shrugs.

“And he was comfortable with that?”

“Haha, unless he cracked a stiffy.” Giggling, she rolls her eyes, “Then he’d get all weird and it was hilarious.”

“So maybe…” Lead the horse to water, let it decide to drink.

“Oh!” Her eyes brightened and then frowned again as she started plotting. It was like watching a war room plan battles as the thoughts displayed on her face. “Hey, it’s like you have some kind of jedi power, bitch.”

“No, just a little more experience and a different way of looking at things.”

Her sudden hug surprises me. We get along really well but don’t really do random displays of affection.

“I can’t believe you’re actually okay with me… Well, wanting to fuck Dad.”

“Bub, I don’t. I want you to learn about making love.”

“Idiot, I know about sex. I’ve probably fucked more blokes than you have.”

“Yeah, and that’s my point. It would be really good if you learned about intimacy and closeness. Maybe then you’d look for different things in those boyfriends you choose.”

“So, me wanting to fuck Dad, is like a class project for you?” Crass is how I’d describe her snigger. “I hope you get an ‘A’ for anal.”

“Oh god. I don’t know why I try.” I groan and leave her to her thoughts. The seed is planted, though and I feel like I got through to her.

“Hey pumpkin.” Dad side-hugs me as I wander through the kitchen.

“Hey old man.” I kiss his cheek. You know the weirdest thing to come from sucking his thing a few weeks ago, is how much more relaxed we are with little gestures of affection. He doesn’t arch his body away from me stiffly. I don’t try illegal bahis to stop my breasts from touching his shoulders. It’s all a lot more natural. I wish I’d done it sooner. But you know… The whole thing of the thing. Mum would definitely have had issues with it despite the fact that she’d been fucking Carl for the last two and a half years.

Double standards much?

“Can you grab the clothes in, kiddo. Looks like a storm and I have a late zoom call with Mitsubishi.”

“No worries.”

He has done well for himself. I’ve always been really proud of dad. He had a rough childhood and made his way up from some kind of delinquent to a mechanic, to running the whole garage to where he is now, as owner of the actual Mitsubishi dealership in town. You’d think that would be enough but no… Mum thought some young copper was better.

Well not better. Greener. He was greener grass. I don’t know what the fuck she was thinking. I’ve tried applying all the psychology to it to help me understand but I’m still too angry about it all to actually think it through properly. Denial. That stage of grief is tripping me up. I just prefer not to think about it because I know if I do then I’ll actually understand her motivations, examine her moral development and end up moving on and I frankly just don’t want to forgive her yet for what she put us all through.

The sky is grey and typically Toowoomba; miserable one moment, all four seasons the next. This afternoon’s spin of the season-wheel has landed on summer storm and heavy dark clouds brood and gather in threatening layers. This is what it looks like before it hails.

The first spits of ice-cold rain peck me playfully as I bundle up the clothes and run back to the house. I’m giggling with the invigorating joy of the moment when I burst in the side doors and Dad catches me before I run headlong into him.

“Haha, you right pumpkin.”

I drop my armful of clothes and hug him tightly, thankful for the moment and the intimacy.

“Just happy Dad. Just happy.”

“It’s good, isn’t it? Just to be happy. Not to-“

“Shh.” I tell him, trying to avoid the talking about it. He’s right though. We all walked around on eggshells for so long that this new ‘happy’ was awkward at first.

“Hey, umm…” I pull back from his big warm chest and look up at his question.

“What, old man?”

“Oh… Maddy. Your sister…”

“Yeah, I’ve met her before. Spit it out.” He’s having trouble looking at me.

“She said she’s going around to Clare’s, I thought we could-“

Oh! So that’s why he’s so awkward and nervous sounding.

“Pizza and Vikings! Yay!” I do a little cheerleader dance that deliberately makes my breasts bounce as much as b-cups can. “It’s a date, old man. Come down here.”

He leans in a little and I kiss him on the cheek. You’d think after sucking someone’s thing, you’d kiss differently. You know, more like lips and lovers but I just don’t… ick… He’s my dad.

I should’ve made the pizza. Dad is so predictable. Ham and pineapple… We’re not even really watching the show, just talking. We seem to talk a lot more about things these days too. I vent to him about how frustrating my psych studies are and he spills all his problems with staff and business.

“Oh so… promise not to get mad, old man.”

“What have you done…” He frowns and shakes his head. “You sound just like that time you hit the letter box with the car.”

“Haha, thanks for reminding me.” I blush at the memory. “Nothing like that. So, I’ve signed you up on a couple of dating apps.”

“Haha. You’re joking of course.”

“Not even a bit. You’re too young to stay lonely.”

“I’m not lonely. I’ve got you and Maddy and a business full of people to look after.”

“You don’t get to argue this one, dad.”

“It puts the lotion on its skin…”

“Or else it gets the hose again.” We both giggle.

“I wouldn’t even know where to start with those apps. Is it like swiping and such? Some of the young ones at work use one where you swipe one way if you like people.”

“Kind of. You just leave the marketing to me and go on the dates I arrange, ok?”

“Do I even get a choice? Like what if they’re-“

“Dad… I’m not going to set you up with a psycho or a bush pig. I’ll show you them before I commit anyway, okay?”

“I’m not that fussed, but…”

“Anything for your favourite daughter, right?”

“Technically, Madison is my-” He teases. The pillow shuts him up before he can finish.

“Oh, it’s on, old man. I see how it is.” Then we fall easily into mock wrestles like when I was little. He easily overpowers me and pins me back on the couch with my hands behind my head and his weight on my hips. I can feel his erection pressing into my thigh and see the beginnings of desire in his big brown eyes.

The doorbell startles us and I laugh as he leaps off me like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie-jar.

“Coming. Won’t be a moment.” He says loudly. “Better cover up a bit, pumpkin.”

I pull the blanket up over my shoulders to cover the little lacey blue teddy I wore for him.

“Hey, bub…” He sounds curious and concerned at the same time as an obviously upset Madison walks in past him. “You okay? Where are your keys?”

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